Back to the TRC Home Page
| Childhood meals remembered | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Michael Rutt Sir, At my school in the years just after the Second World War we were served a jam tart as a dessert. It was universally known as "concrete slab". If attacked with a spoon (we were not provided with forks), it flew at unusual and unpredictable angles towards one's fellow diners or the window. I am, Sir, Yours faithfully, Michael Rutt August 15 2003 | From Mr David Everett Sir, Passing my formative years at a public school, sago often appeared at lunch. Plates were passed down the end-to-end trestle tables. Few were consumed. When they were passed back up, those of us on the science side would carry out a quality-control check on consistency. If I remember correctly, a normal mix allowed eight plates to be passed by holding the top plate only. Yours faithfully, David Everitt August 15 2003 | |
| From Mr Robert Ornbo Sir, The favourite pudding at my school was jam roly-poly with custard, known as "flesh, blood and matter". Yours faithfully, Robert Ornbo August 14 2003 | From Mr Harry Wilkinson Sir, My favourite was thumbs and custard. The menu called it plums and custard, but this was before one's plate had been passed down the table. Yours sincerely, Harry Wilkinson August 15 2003 | |
| From Mrs Janet Cockerill Sir, I remember a delicious tropical version of "accident in the Alps" made from piping hot, sloppy semolina, served with a dollop of raspberry jam. This was "death in the desert". Aiming spoonfuls of it at one's enemies was optional. Yours faithfully, Janet Cockerill August 15 2003 | From Mr Liz Godfrey Sir, At my Birmingham grammar school in 1961 the imagination of lower sixth form girls was put to the test when we walked into the dining room to find "farmhouse tart and lust" on the menu. Imagine our disappointment when it became clear that lust was the badly written short form for custard. Yours faithfully, Liz Godfrey August 15 2003 | |
| From Miss Margaret M. Leyden Sir, Another school-dinner delicacy was, of course, toenail soup (aka stewed apples). Every Wednesday. Yours faithfully, Margaret M. Leyden August 15 2003 | From Mr Geoffrey Bourne-Taylor Sir, School luncheon meat could be carved into silhouettes; I produced elegant nudes to much acclaim until a ladle-blow to the back of the head from the Divinity master, together with six handwritten copies of the 119th Psalm, brought my creative endeavours to an abrupt end. Yours faithfully, Geoffrey Bourne-Taylor August 14 2003 |
| The empty plinth | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Derek Birnie Sir, I feel rather insulted that anyone could think that the plinth in Trafalgar Square is empty (letters, July 30 and August 5). My latest piece of conceptual art, Vacuum at the Heart of Government, a work which took me months of painstaking effort to conceive and implement (not to mention the difficulties in simply getting it up there), is my magnum opus. I hope it can stay there for as long as possible and not be replaced by some crass statue or sculpture. Regards, Derek Birnie August 5 2003 |
| Journeys in a flash | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr David Harding-price Sir, We have developed a new game for long car journeys - "Spot the Speed Camera". Each time a child spots a speed camera they get 10p. It is a lot cheaper than a £40 fine, and the financial rewards keep the children amused for the whole journey. Yours faithfully, David Harding-Price August 5 2003 |
I suspect this was due to a "small" misprint in the report!
| Totally stuffed | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr D Harrison Sir, I see we imported last year a tonne of foie gras for almost every man, woman and child in the country (report, August 4). I didn't get mine; did someone out there eat two tonnes? Yours faithfully, D Harrison August 4 2003 |
| Roman road | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr John Sullivan Sir, Your report on the Sandwich Bay Residents' Association's levy of a toll on the coast road between Sandwich and Deal (July 15) concludes with the interesting information that the Romans bequeathed the road as a gift to local citizens when they left in AD410. I wonder what other options they considered. Yours faithfully, John Sullivan July 15 2003 |
| Caramba! | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Oliver Chastney Sir, Tonsorial shortcomings deny me the ability to emulate David Beckham's latest hairstyle. However, donning a sombrero made from a copy of The Times (instructions, Sport, May 21) seems an ideal alternative to anyone wishing to look like a complete prat. Yours faithfully, Oliver Chastney May 21 2003 |
| Why are we all here? | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Steve Kershaw
Sir, Professor Colin Howson (letter, May 15) asserts that "To compute the most likely explanation of our existence requires consideration of all the data," and that "Anything like exact computation is impossible without much more information". Perhaps, though, as Professor of Logic he may be able to compute the likelihood of someone several centuries BC correctly guessing that the Earth is round, that the Universe is expanding and that energy can be converted to matter (see Isaiah xl, 22 and 26). One correct guess could be considered lucky, two an amazing coincidence, but three almost impossible without his being tipped the wink by the original designer and creator. Yours sincerely, Steve Kershaw May 15 2003 |
From Mr William Sant Sir, Whilst platoons of academics batter each other gladiatorially with logic, there will be armies of untutored clear-thinkers to whom it will be blindingly obvious that we are all here by accident. Yours, William Sant May 15 2003 | |
| From Mr Neville N. Bradpiece Sir, We are here because this planet is neither hot enough nor cold enough to be completely antiseptic. Yours etc., Neville N. Bradpiece May 15 2003 | ||
| From Mr Jonathan Porter Sir, Mr Steve Kershaw could have added to his list of predictions in Isaiah xl that at verse 31 he appears to predict the invention of the aeroplane. Amazing. Yours faithfully, Jonathan Porter May 21 2003 |
Three separate entries in one day!
| Match of the day | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mrs Gill Marshall | ||
Sir, If the proposed merger between Bath and Bristol rugby union clubs takes place, will the resulting team be called Barstool? Yours faithfully, Gill Marshall May 5 2003 |
| Remedy not so drastic | |
|---|---|
| From Ms Catherine Henderson | |
Sir, On the pack of a recent purchase from a garden centre was the claim that it would "kill ants for up to five weeks". Yours faithfully, Catherine Henderson May 2 2003 |
| I'm only here... | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Tony Johnson | ||
Sir, Since Budget Day, I have been carrying out a survey of pubs in the South East to discover one where the price has increased in accordance with the "penny a pint" announced by Gordon Brown. Although I have yet to meet with success, as an act of public-spiritedness I feel that I should continue this research. Sincerely, Tony Johnson May 5 2003 |
Slightly political, but you can admire the physics (perhaps!)
| Laws of nature | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Jeremy Zeid | ||
Sir, Scientists are spending £3.1 million looking for a particle, the invisible Wimp (weakly interacting massive paricle) that may not exist, but that is the point of science and research: to learn. At least they admit the possibility. One such theoretical particle being the speedy Tachyon that travels faster than light and is believed to get heavier the slower it goes. Meanwhile the wimps in government pour billions into the unreformed and inefficient public sector for services that barely exist and then claw it all back in higher taxes and then fail to learn. In the case of the NHS and education, the more Taxyons poured in, the heavier it gets and the slower it goes. Wimps may be theoretical, but I know a black hole when I see it. Yours faithfully, Jeremy Zeid April 30 2003 |
Not sure I should include these, but they were in the Times, in response to the observation on a sales label that a salmon loin contained fish!
| What you see ... | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Ernie Todd | From Mrs Lucy Lermer | |
Sir, After reading of Huw James's surprise at the warning on his salmon (March 22), I checked the label of the "Co-op Mild & Creamy French Brie (Flavour strength 2)" from my village store. Sure enough, the allergy warning is imparted: "Contains cow's milk." Yours, Ernie Todd March 24 | Sir, I sympathise with Mr James. My Asda cucumber purchased yesterday has the reassuring message: "Suitable for vegetarians." Yours sincerely, Lucy Lermer March 22 | |
| From Mr Paul Britland | ||
Sir, Mr Huw James's concerns (letter, March 22) regarding his salmon loin bearing an allergy warning "contains fish" may not be the full story. It sounds as though even before it left the labelling plant it had already been contaminated by nuts. Yours sincerely, Paul Britland March 25 |
My thanks to Mr Peter Stamford of Ontario, Canada, who brought this letter
to my attention, and who
had previously succeeded in having a letter published
under the heading "Youth and age" (see below).
His spelling of my name with
only one "t" I regard as only a minor blemish in the circumstances!
| Uncrowded stage | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Roger Ordish | ||
Sir, There is said to have been a low-cost production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, for which the budget could run to only one Dwarf. At his first entrance, coming to the aid of Snow White, he would turn to the wings and declaim: "You six stay there; I'll deal with this." Yours faithfully, Roger Ordish January 12 |
Mainly for technocrats (but others might enjoy!)
| Computer novices | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mrs Joan Woolard | ||
Sir, After much coaxing, a pensioner schoolfriend has finally become computerised. Her first e-mail message proclaiming the fact arrived by the morning post. Yours etc, Joan Woolard January 7 |
| Crowded stage | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr David Ponte | ||
Sir, Are class sizes on the increase? In this year's Nativity play, my niece Lydia will take the role of a blade of grass. Yours festively, David Ponte December 9 |
||
| From Mr Richard Akroyd | From Mr David Charles | |
Sir, I think Mr David Ponte may be right about increased class sizes. Twenty years ago my five-year-old son - admittedly a vociferous little boy - announced that he had been cast in his school's Nativity play as The Crowd. Yours faithfully, Richard Akroyd, December 11 |
Sir, Class sizes must be getting bigger. My grandson was given the role of Chief Decoration in his Nativity play. He was in charge of a jangle of smaller decorations and he got a round of applause when, in an unscripted moment, he had to discipline some of them. Yours faithfully, David Charles, December 11 |
| Figures of fun | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Andrew Bernard | ||
Sir, Your graphic ("Tanker disaster", November 21) on the loss of the Prestige shows that the depth to which it has sunk is 11,500ft, or 3,500m, or "9.2 times the height of the Empire State Building". The correct Imperial unit for the discussion of height and depth is surely Nelson's Column. That being so, the Prestige rests 62.12NCs down. Furthermore, it weighed 81,564 tonnes deadweight, as much as some 11,652 African elephants each of seven tons, and was, at about 800ft, as long as 26.67 London buses (30ft). Yours etc, Andrew Bernard November 22 |
| 'Great Britons' debate continues | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| From Mr Andrew Wolfin | From Mr John Godfrey | |||
Sir, Is the fact that Princess Diana received twice as many votes as Charles Darwin in the Great Britons a case of survival of the fittest?. Yours faithfully, Andrew Wolfin November 26 |
Sir, Now that the BBC has enjoyed such success with the 100 best Britons, the obvious sequel is the 100 worst Britons. A particular fascination of the new series would be the not inconsiderable number of names that fall within both lists. Yours faithfully, John Godfrey November 27 | |||
| From Mr David Leak | From Mr R H W Cooper | |||
Sir, The members of the public who voted Princess Diana into third place and/or voted for John Lennon are able to vote at a general election, and can serve on juries. Worrying thought, isn't it?. Yours faithfully, David Leak November 25 |
Sir, Following the result of the BBC's Great Britons poll, a footnote in Churchill, Roy Jenkins' acclaimed biography, merits a wider airing: Nicholas Soames, the eldest child of the Soameses who was therefore brought up on the Chartwell estate, told me an engaging story. When he was about six (circa 1955) he broke through the valet-guard which normally defended Churchill's working room and said: "Grandpapa, is it true that you are the greatest man in the world?" Churchill said: "Yes, now bugger off." Yours faithfully, R H W Cooper November 26 | |||
| Ashes to ashes | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| From Dr R S W Hawtrey | From Dr C W Godden | |||
Sir, A well-known prep school, famous for academic achievement, was for many years almost invincible at cricket. In the 1980s, its first XI, if they were rash enough to lose a game, would be greeted by an extra Latin prep. It's worth trying, surely. Yours etc, Ralph Hawtrey November 12 |
Sir, I have been a loyal follower of English cricket since childhood but need advice. I have a bookmaker account and prior to flying to Australia at the weekend thought I might place £5 on England to win the series 4-1. To my astonishment the odds of that happening are exactly the same (500-1) as Elvis being found alive. Shall I go for the double at a quarter of a million to one or be safe and just back Elvis? Yours faithfully, Charles Godden November 14 | |||
| Youth and age | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| From Mr Peter Stamford | (My own favourite "old age" definition) | |||
Sir, Richard Needham, for many years a columnist on the Toronto Globe and Mail, wrote the following about getting older: As you grow old, you lose your interest in sex, your friends drift away, your children often ignore you. There are many other advantages of course, but these would seem to me to be the outstanding ones. Yours sincerely, Peter Stamford November 5 | Old age is the time when, having made the effort to tie your shoe-lace, you wonder if there is anything else you could usefully do while you are down there. DM | |||
| Power game | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Richard Goode | ||
Sir, My most recent electricity bill, as often happens, was based on the electricity company's estimate of our usage. The accompanying letter said:"Your current bill shows that the amount of electricity you used in this quarter does not compare with the usual amount you use". Yours faithfully, Richard Goode August 25 |
| Chinese warning | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr William Reeve | ||
Sir, I once had a bottle of embrocation from China (letters, July 3 and 8) bearing the warning "Do not take inside". We kept it in the garage. Yours faithfully, W Reeve July 10 |
| Odd arrangements | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Dermot Woolgar | ||
Sir, I suppose it only takes one bigamist to explain your perplexing statistic that the number of people getting married rose from 263,515 in 1999 to 267,961 in 2000 (report, January 29). Yours faithfully, Dermot Woolgar January 29 |
| Relative bargain | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mrs Barbara Peacock | ||
Sir, I have just received a quotation from our plumber offering, as an added incentive, the following: "Plumber's mater £10 per hr + VAT". Yours faithfully, Barbara Peacock January 28 |
| Kit and caboodle | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mrs Paddie Breeze | ||
Sir, I keep two small screwdrivers in my kitchen to repair domestic appliances which my husband, who has 34 screwdrivers in his toolbox, borrows. I recognise that men tend to hoard tools, but can a man ever have too many screwdrivers? Yours faithfully, Paddie Breeze June 20 | ||
| From Mr Peter Gathergood | From Miss Mary Lewis | |
Sir, Mrs Paddie Breeze asks if a man can have too many screwdrivers. Certainly not. I have a comprehensive collection, displayed to good effect in a tasteful, recently extended, wooden rack in my garage. The fact that I seldom use any of them is neither here nor there, and will not deter me from seeking more of these essential and useful implements. Yours faithfully, Peter Gathergood June 22 | Sir, When I bought my own home my father grudgingly supplied me with eight screwdrivers from his collection of 156. When I needed the Phillips screwdriver I found out that he had repossessed it as being too useful to let go. It certainly taught me never to let him have a set of my house keys. Yours, Mary Lewis June 22 | |
| From Mrs Anne McCall | From Mr Roger Guthrie | |
Sir, My son-in-law gave me an electric screwdriver as a prelude to inquiring if he might marry our daughter. He hardly needed to ask after that. Yours faithfully, Anne McCall June 22 | Sir, With regular application of the right type of screwdriver - three parts freshly squeezed orange juice to one part vodka poured over crushed ice - those urgent household repairs can be prioritised, postponed, or indeed forgotten about altogether. Cheers, Roger Guthrie June 22 |
(I accept no responsibility for this!)
| Full to overflowing | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr B.S. Baggaley | ||
Sir, I read with interest your report (February 28 and photograph) that 2ft long, 4lb Florida bullfrogs were becoming widespread in France. Even in these times of metrication, presumably you don't get many to the pond. Yours faithfully, B.S. Baggaley March 1 |
(One of my favourites, originally published in 1993 and just unearthed)
| Little Parcels | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Judge Martin Stephens, QC | From Mr Tim Carbury | |
Sir, In a recent appreciation of a circuit judge, your obituarist observed that he "was a small man but he enjoyed a large circle of friends". In a fascinating piece on the late Helen Hayes, another obituarist (I assume) wrote "In spite of her tiny frame, she had a massive talent". Sir, are you prepared to tolerate these outrageously heightist remarks in this age of political correctness? Yours faithfully, (5ft 6 1/2in in his stockinged feet), MARTIN STEPHENS March 23 | Sir, At the risk of appearing heightist, am I to assume that the learned judge Martin Stephens, QC, 5ft 6 1/2in in his socks, (letter, March 29), is one of those little things that are sent to try us? Yours faithfully, TIM CARBURY March 29 |
| Seasonal round of happy families | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Graham Finch | ||
Sir, I find that reading the annual round-robin letters enclosed with my friends' Christmas cards is a much more pleasurable experience than reading your newspaper's annual rant about how awful they are. Merry Christmas. Yours faithfully, GRAHAM FINCH (and Louise, who has a new job, and John, who graduated in the summer, and Katie, who has passed her driving test; we still haven't replaced the dog). December 13 |
| Retail eye therapy | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Richard Crisp | ||
Sir, Boots is offering a laser eyesight cure at their Regent Street store (report, December 14). At a quoted price of £1,250 per eye, I think I'll wait until they have a "three for the price of two" promotion. Yours faithfully, RICHARD CRISP December 14 |
(Regarding current weather conditions - Nov 2000)
| From Mr Mark Solon | From Mr Tony Huggett | |
Sir, A colleague tells me that his local stationmaster made the following announcement yesterday: "We are sorry for the substantial delay. This is due to leaves on the lines, and further due to those leaves still being attached to the trees." Yours faithfully, MARK SOLON October 31 |
Sir, Do you think I should now remove the bricks from my cistern? Yours sincerely, TONY HUGGETT November 1 |
(A reminder for secretaries and Newsletter editors!)
| Man eating dog | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Professor Roy Harris | From Mr Peter Mackintosh | |
Sir, The much-maligned hyphen still has a role to play in communication. I cite your alarming report (April 11) concerning the "hot dog-munching sports fans" who allegedly fill baseball parks in the U.S. This surely deserves an addendum to Fowler's apoplectic entry on the subject? Yours faithfully, ROY HARRIS April 11 | Sir, A hyphen inadvertantly omitted can have as much effect as one misplaced. I recall that, some years ago, the secretary of the Standard Charterd Bank's sports club, writing for the bank's UK house magazine, reported that"some twelve hundred odd people" had attended the bank's annual sports day. Yours faithfully, PETER MACKINTOSH April 18 |
| Signs of aliens? | ||
|---|---|---|
| From Mr Alun Morris | From Mrs Lynn Rylands | |
Sir, Does the discovery of tar-like particles in space (report May 3) mean that civilisations more advanced than ours have been unable to give up smoking? Yours, ALUN MORRIS May 3 | Sir, It's quite obvious, Mr Alun Morris (letter, May 5), that the discovery of tar-like particles in space means they are getting nearer the coned-off section. Yours, LYNN RYLANDS May 5 |
| Here's hoping | Beyond redemption | |
|---|---|---|
| From Mr John James | From Dr Peter B. Baker | |
Sir, Some years ago a card in my local pub stated that since the banks had agreed not to sell beer the pub would not be cashing cheques. With the initiative for pubs now to offer cashback on card sales, is it perhaps time for the banks also to reconsider their strategy? They could halt the demise of the high street branch by licensing their premises. Yours etc, JOHN JAMES March 13 | Sir, Would beer bought at banks take four working days to clear? Yours faithfully, PETER B. BAKER March 16 |
| Off the scent |
|---|
| From Mr John R Sharp |
Sir, Claims about men's toiletries, detectable or otherwise (letters May 22 and 30), should be treated with caution. A TV advertisement implies that men wearing a certain deodorant are prone to be ravished by women in lifts. Experience shows the claim to be entirely false. Yours faithfully, JOHN R SHARP June 1 |
Back to the TRC Home Page